Age Sobriety and a Dose of Reality

A week ago today, I turned thirty. Thirty did not come with any ease. That is three decades I have been in existence in this world. Since I was young, I have often been plagued with the likelihood that I have lived way to much of life doing stuff for me and not enough for others. With the anniversary of my thirtieth year, I feel the weight of that responsibility with great fear. I see me (and all of us) as a steward on this earth. I'm not representing myself and doing my own thing. I'm supposed to be glorifying God and attempting to restore the image of God, in which all of us (people) were created. Well, my analysis of progress on my stewardship is that I have accomplished little to nothing.

What have I spent my life doing? Well, I've been in school most of my life so far. Since I was four and a half, I've been in school, counting from Kindergarten. However, if the count starts with preschool, I started even earlier than that. And, I am still in school, completing a Doctorate at this juncture, but still in school nevertheless. Sure, I have done other things during my life. To mention a few more recent events, I facilitated a discussion group, consisting of faculty members and students, this summer. As a facilitator or leader of a group, I feel the responsibility of quickly gaging the needs of the group as a whole. Pedagogically, leading every group the same exact way is ineffect. In this group, in particular, the members of the group were able to understand the arguments presented in each chapter on their own, even though writers of each chapter moved quite quickly. So, I derived general questions for the attendees, that pulled together the content of the material for the week, yet provoked them further into insight. I'm about to start another discussion group, going over the same book. I will have to figure out the dynamic of this group, seeing how a large number will constitute undergraduate students. Perhaps, I will have to do more teaching than discussing. Then, I am attending another discussion group, reading about aesthetics and morality, written by a Scottish philosopher by the name of Hutchinson.

Besides being a student, teaching classes, and attending or leading groups, I do other things too, but many of them seem to be activities I am interested in pursuing . . . taking photography to the next level, managing my new blogs, shopping, possibly taking yoga, lifting weights, finishing my dissertation, making new friends (we recently moved). It's about me, me, me! How repulsive.

Life is more important than me. Helping others is important, for one. Many in this world suffer, whether physically, emotionally, or spiritually. I need to take care of them. That is not to say that others can't take care of themselves, but, we should help each other out. That's part and parcel to being a good steward here on this earth.

As certain as I am that going to die some day, I am certain that I will face God some day. He already knows what I have done and he knows what I will do. But, I will face Him with what I have and have not done. But, fear of God isn't the only feeling or motivation driving me to seek to do better with my life, by other people (also God's children) are worthy in and of themselves. Whatever race, gender, wealth, belief-preferences - everyone is a child of God. And, we need to treat them as such.

Part of my problem is that I do not know what actions constitute bringing glory to God's kingdom. I don't know whether being more than just an instructor to my university students, but also, being a good role model is what I should do. I go way above the call of duty for my students. But, somehow, I sense that that is not enough. What else should I do?

Jesus did not begin his ministry until he was thirty. And in ancient times, people were not considered adults until the age of thirty. Only in relatively recent times, has the adult age been as young as it is, whether eighteen or twenty-one.

But, the problem is, I don't know what my "ministry" is supposed to be. What am I supposed to do? I don't want to be so focused on my own life and my own desires that I miss hearing what God wants me to do. This is a snapshot of my current thoughts and sustained worries (or concerns).